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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24098794">Ames is for the Boys</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dariary_Absentee/pseuds/Dariary_Absentee'>Dariary_Absentee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stranger Things (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Carol and Robin make cameos so...don't expect a lot, Crack Fic, F/M, Future Fic, Humor and Hijinks, Implied fwb M/M/M relationship, M/M, crack with a little heart, idk what this is, miami florida, obviously Billy is alive</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:35:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24098794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dariary_Absentee/pseuds/Dariary_Absentee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy, Billy, Steve, Carol, Heather, and Robin have just moved into their Miami duplex....they've got furniture, they've got their belongings, but what about the other stuff???<br/>Welp, looks like Billy's got take the two dinguses, Tommy and Steve, with him to Ames discount department store (ie. 1980s Dollar Tree) to get some stuff for their home. Humor and hijinks ensue. Billy nearly has an aneurysm, Steve wants to set the house on fire, and Tommy doesn't know how to decorate to save his life.<br/>It's gonna be a long day.</p><p>For the discord because I don't know how to write anymore.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Tommy Hagan/Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Tommy Hagan/Carol Perkins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ames is for the Boys</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Billy’s never contemplated snorting Excedrin until now. Not that all the Excedrin stopped Jack Torrance from trying to bludgeon his wife and kid with a roque mallet but maybe it helped. Maybe he wouldn’t want to just grab the nearest vase and bludgeon Steve and Tommy with it if he did. </p><p>“I’m not paying fifteen-fucking-dollars for a plate set,” he said, walking through the Ames’s automatic doors. </p><p>“<em>Billy, </em>” Steve hissed.</p><p>A mom with a little kid in a stroller gave the three of them <em>the look.</em> If she wasn't holding a bag full of off-brand snacks and cleaning supplies, she’d cover her kid’s ears. Tommy smiled one of his goofier smiles, the endearing one, and waved.</p><p>“Look, all’s I’m saying is K-Mart is overpriced horseshit, and we’re not exactly rolling in money,” Billy said quieter this time. Because fine, the kid was like...three...maybe? So that one’s on him.</p><p>“Yo, these carts have stripper poles on them!” Tommy yelled. He came over with a small green cart with a pole that reached over both their heads with a plastic white flag that said <em>Ames.</em> </p><p>“Jesus! You scared the living shit out of me!” </p><p>“<em>Billy! </em>”</p><p>“Fuck! <em> Shit! </em>Sorry--” </p><p>They need to keep an eye on him. For real, Steve made a mental note: <em> no more </em>losing sight of Tommy.</p><p>“That’s not--” Steve’s eyes narrowed. His head cocked to the side and lips pursed, “why do they have...<em> poles </em>...on the carts?” </p><p>Billy took one of those long breaths Hopper used to tell him about. You know in through the mouth, out through the nose or something like that. Billy breathed. “Neither of you have been to an Ames before have you?” He said calmly. He looked between the two brunette dunderheads he’d somehow fallen in love with. Maybe it was the clueless, big brown puppy dog eyes they both gave him. </p><p>Steve winced. “I’ve been <em> outside </em> of an Ames...probably <em> . </em>” </p><p>“Oh for the love of--” </p><p>“It’s not like there’s one in Hawkins!” Tommy said. “We had the Fair Mart.” </p><p>“Exactly! There wasn’t one for <em> miles. </em>” </p><p>Billy pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. It was like wrangling toddlers. He took the cart from Tommy and started towards the aisle with kitchenware in it. “It’s not a stripper pole. It’s so you can steal the shopping cart, dumbasses.” </p><p> “Oh, that’s a good idea,” Tommy said. “I’d steal a fucking--” </p><p>“<em>D</em><em>ude--!”  </em></p><p>“I’d steal a shopping cart in a hot-fucking minute,” Tommy finished, ignoring Steve. </p><p>“Then why haven’t you?” Billy asked, grinning because he can practically feel Steve radiating behind him.</p><p>Tommy didn’t say anything for a moment, and <em> boy </em>is that dangerous.</p><p><em> “Tommy </em>,” Steve started. Billy grinned in front of them both, listening to Steve’s voice turn shrill and stern. “I swear to God if you steal a shopping cart! We--we haven’t even been here a week!” </p><p>“I’m just thinking about it!” </p><p>“The Florida’s rubbing off on him,” Billy cackled. “I can already see it ‘freckled Florida man caught riding stolen shopping cart.’” </p><p>“I want you to know I’m not bailing you out if you get arrested,” Steve said.</p><p>Tommy snorted. “That’s okay, I could totally handle a night in prison,” he said, knowing he’s never spent a night in prison. </p><p>Steve and Billy exchanged looks. </p><p>“You can barely handle a night with Carol,” Steve said. </p><p>Even under the dim fluorescent lighting of the Ames, they could see Tommy turn bright red under his freckles. His shoulders climbed their way up to his ears. He didn’t say anything.<br/>
“That’s what I thought,” Billy said. </p><p>He stopped in front of the silverware and grabbed the first box in front of him. “See this?” He waved the box before throwing it in the cart. “Seven bucks.” </p><p>Tommy made a face and waved his hands about his “oooh, d’you hear that Steve? <em> Seven. </em>” </p><p>Steve coughed, except he wasn’t coughing. He was <em> laughing </em>and trying to hide it behind his hand. “Oh ye-ah,” he laughed. “I heard.” </p><p>“Shut up, ya freckled fu--<em> idiot </em>,” Billy grumbled. “I’m saving both your asses some money.” He picked up some plates and dumped them in the cart as well. </p><p>“Oh woah woah, <em> hey, </em>” Steve said. He pulled the box of plates back out of the cart. “You’re not even looking.” </p><p>Billy scowled. “They’re plates? <em> Why </em>should I give a shit?” </p><p>Steve looked at the box, his scowl matched Billy’s. “Because <em> these </em> are non-microwavable <em> and </em>they’re ugly.” He flipped them around. “What are you? Ninety, Hargrove?” The plates in question were white with cornflower blue trim and yellow daisies in the center. </p><p>“<em>Shit!--”  </em></p><p>“I give up,” Steve grumbled. </p><p>“Look at <em> these,” </em> Tommy said, holding up a pair of plates. “They’ve got <em> cocks </em>on them.” </p><p>They weren’t the cocks Billy had hoped for, but they were roosters and the joke of eating off a plate with a massive cock on it wasn’t lost on him. In fact, it was appealing. Billy grinned, his tongue licked along his bottom lip. “We’ve gotta have those.” </p><p>Steve pressed his hands into his eyes and groaned. “Oh my <em> God </em>.” </p><p>“A dollar a-piece,” Tommy said, waving one of the plates in his hand. He tossed it like a frisby to Billy. </p><p>“We’re going to get kicked out of this store…” Steve said under his breath. </p><p>“No we’re not, and <em> we </em>are getting these,” Billy caught the plates and put them all into the cart.</p><p>Tommy snickered. “At least enough for us.” </p><p>“Exactly.” </p><p>Steve groaned. “Fine, <em> some </em>fun plates. But we’re not filling our whole kitchen with novelty plates.” </p><p>“Says you,” Tommy said petulantly. </p><p>“I just don’t want our kitchen looking like it belongs to a soccer mom obsessed with the simple life.” </p><p>“Steve, you <em> came </em> from the simple life, <em> ” </em> Billy interjected. </p><p>
  <em> “EXACTLY!”  </em>
</p><p>Billy winced. He plugged his finger with his ear and wiggled it, grimacing. “Fucking hell, Harrington, <em> inside </em>voice.” </p><p>Steve’s arms crossed and pressed under his chest. “I’m just saying,” he pouted. </p><p>Billy sighed. “I’m just gonna grab something and you object <em> whenever, </em>deal?” </p><p>“Deal,” Steve said. </p><p>“Deal, Hagan?” </p><p>Tommy was silent. </p><p>Which was extremely rare for him. </p><p>So it made sense that he wasn’t there at all. Billy took another deep, measured breath and shut his eyes. “Why...is it like wrangling a toddler with him?” He asked through his teeth. </p><p>Steve put his hands on his hips and sighed. “I think his brother dropped him once.” He turned back to the row of plates and plate sets. “He’s an adult, if worst comes to worst we’ll the people at the front we lost him.” </p><p>“If you say so.” Billy shrugged. “Now let’s try this again…” he picked up a box. “Yay or nay.” </p><p>“Nay,” Steve said. </p><p>“Really?” Billy was actually surprised.</p><p>“They’re <em> boring </em>. They’re plain white.” </p><p>“They’re fucking <em> plates </em> it’s what’s on them that matters,” Billy said. “And like you don’t <em> like </em>boring, anyway.” </p><p>Steve’s lips pursed. He grabbed one of the racks. “White <em> with </em>gold,” Steve said with a grin. “Not boring which means....” he pulled the silverware out of the cart and replaced it with a gold set. “It has to match.” </p><p>“That is so ostentatious.” </p><p>“What do birds have to do with this?” </p><p>Billy’s head rolled to look at Steve. He’s dead serious. “Ostentatious is not a bird, that’s an ostrich,” he may have looked at him condescendingly, but Billy purposefully kept his tone even. Four dollar words aren’t exactly Steve’s forte. “Ostentatious means overly elaborate...like you’re trying to grab attention by being fancy and shit.” Billy pushed the cart along and grabbed a matching set of bowls, “lucky for you<em> I </em> like attention and you like being fancy...ten bucks though Robin’s gonna hate it.” </p><p>“Twenty bucks Carol is going to try to steal them,” Steve countered.</p><p>“Deal,” Billy said. “Well, that takes care of that. So, cleaning supplies?” </p><p>As if being summoned by the mere mention of cleaning supplies Tommy appeared clumsily holding four tiki torches and two plastic yard flamingos in his arms. The top of a garden gnome stuck out of his pocket.</p><p>Billy raised an eyebrow. “Is that a gnome in your pocket, Hagan or are you just happy to see me?”  </p><p>“Both. <em> Duh, </em>” like the answer was clearly obvious. </p><p>“What the hell is this stuff?” He asked. </p><p>“It’s for decoration!” </p><p>“<em> No </em>,” Steve said first. </p><p>“Jeezus…” Billy groaned. </p><p>“<em> Yes, </em>” Tommy said eagerly. “Look, they’re cute! They’d match the house.” </p><p>“And the tiki torches...?” </p><p>“--Are a fucking fire hazard if you ask me.”</p><p>Tommy stuck his tongue out at him. “It’s aesthetic, besides, they’re for the <em> back </em>yard. We got a little picnic table, a few tiki torches, it’d be hot shit...literally.” He snickered, clearly proud of himself. </p><p>Steve rubbed his temples, but he was clearly suppressing a smile. </p><p>“No more jokes like that and you can put them in the cart,” Billy said. </p><p>Tommy folded his lips in and wiggled his head around. “That’s a sealed lip gesture by the way.” He dumped everything in a cart. “Really? Gold?” He turned to them. </p><p>“What? Being <em> ostentatious </em> is fun sometimes.” Steve shrugged.</p><p>“Osten-what?” </p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” he said, waving his hand around. </p><p>“Carol’s gonna like it, I guess,” Tommy muttered and followed them. The gnome’s hat still hung out of his pocket. </p><p>Billy wheeled the cart past the back row of the Ames, which was lined with frozen and refrigerated items. </p><p>“Wait--” </p><p>
  <em> Oh my God.  </em>
</p><p>“Can we get ice cream?” </p><p>“<em> You </em> can get ice cream,” Billy said without looking back. “ <em> I’m </em>aren’t paying for it.”</p><p>Steve, who was standing beside, Tommy looked at him and then back at the freezer. Honestly, he personally can’t even think about eating ice cream anymore. “They have<em> strawberry </em>,” he sang.</p><p>Billy paused. “Fine. Grabe me one.” </p><p>Tommy snickered. “Knew that would fucking work, you’re so easy.” He grabbed a handful of mini Reese’s flavored ice creams and a strawberry. Steve grabbed a box of popsicles. “Speaking of easy,” he said. “I was thinking maybe <em> you </em> could get cleaning supplies and <em> we </em>could look at decorations.” </p><p>Billy’s nose wrinkled. “What’s wrong with the ones already in there?” </p><p>Steve shrugged. “Nothing...I guess,” he looked away. “But there’s nothing against making things homey?”</p><p>Homey? </p><p>The fuck kind of bullshit is that. </p><p>It’s a <em> house.  </em></p><p>Billy’s face contorted in confusion, but Steve was giving him these sort of puppy eyes like it all meant something. “C’mon, Billy,” he said, “do you really want a dead couple’s art hanging in the living room?” </p><p>He grimaced. <em> No. Not really actually.  </em></p><p>“That wasn’t a <em> no </em>face,” Tommy said, amused. They both knew he was only in on this so he could find more tacky items. The freckled bastard is a fiend for things that make others cringe, always has been.</p><p>“And you two say I’m immature, fucking hell,” Billy muttered. “Fine, whatever, get whatever the hell you want.” </p><p>“I’ll grab you something,” Steve said cheerfully. It must have meant a lot because Steve gave his hand a squeeze, the closest they could get to a peck on the lips. </p><p>Billy tried to smile. “I’d really rather you didn’t, amigo.” </p><p>“If he doesn’t I will,” Tommy pulled Steve along towards the decoration aisle. Mischief danced in his eyes. </p><p>“You do that and I put laxatives in your peanut butter ice cream!” Billy called out to them. </p><p>🦩 🦩 🦩</p><p>“I heard you can get high on candle wax,” Tommy said.</p><p>“Pfft, yeah right.” </p><p>“Then why you getting so many candles, Harrington?” </p><p>Billy could hear them both on his way back with cleaning supplies. He was under the assumption so many candles would be like <em> three. </em>He should’ve known better when Steve’s feet were littered with white candles of various sizes and a whole bunch of picture frames.</p><p>“<em> No, </em>” he said immediately as he turned the corner. He felt like Steve, usually, he’s the one with all the hard stances and opinions. “That’s a fucking fire hazard, Harrington! How many do you have?” </p><p>The fact that Steve had to look down at the four candles in his arms first and then <em> down </em>was baffling to Billy. Tommy was cackling with his head tilted back. </p><p>“Eh, twelve,” Steve shrugged like owning twelve or more candles doesn’t seem a  pre-requisite for becoming a cult leader. “I like candlelight.” </p><p>“And I like sleeping knowing our house isn’t going to go up in flames,” Billy said. Turning his attention Tommy, who was still snickering, had an armful of fake 100-dollar bills and a tub of Elmer’s glue. “What the hell are planning on doing with those?” He said warily</p><p>“I’m gonna glue them to my dresser,” he said, like that wasn’t the most batshit thing he’s ever heard. </p><p>Billy blinked. “You’re gonna <em> what </em>--?” </p><p>Steve laughed nervously. “Do what he does best apparently…” <em> Which is making a mess. </em> “But that’s <em> his </em> room we got you <em> this </em>for yours!” Steve bent over to pick up the weirdest bobble head he’d ever seen. “And a little treasure box ‘cause you like keeping stuff, and some paint so you can paint it ‘cause we know you’re going to,” Steve rambled. </p><p>The bobble head was a devil, with a massive head of black hair and yellow eyes. It was fucked up….he kind of liked it. Having a creepy, fucked up devil his boyfriend found in an Ames, felt kind of fitting. He flipped it over in his hands for a moment. Billy smiled briefly. “You’re still putting half those candles back.” </p><p>“Okay,” Steve said. </p><p>Billy knew damn well he was going to fill their half of the duplex with candles behind his back anyway though. He didn’t care. </p><p>Steve dumped seven candles in the cart. Billy didn’t say anything about the picture frames, he wasn’t opposed to Steve covering his space with photos...it’s just what he does. Tommy followed suit with his scantily clad gnome and 100-dollar bills (the stupidest purchase of all time). And Billy let them get him some shitty decorations, even if he didn’t need them, really. </p><p>“This is odd stuff to get all together,” the cashier said. She was a little old lady, unfortunately. Not that any of the boys minded little old ladies, usually, just that--</p><p>“Yeah,” Tommy grinned. “We’re artists. We’re working on a new project.” </p><p>It’s just that they’re all menaces.</p><p>“It’s called constructive deduction paraphernaliaism,” Billy said, <em> very </em>seriously. </p><p>“Oh, how nice,” she said pleasantly, and continued to ring up their stuff. “You boys have fun with that. I hope you all make it big.” </p><p>“I think we already have,” Billy said, nudging Steve</p><p>He rolled his eyes, but he was trying not to laugh</p><p>Between all the extra stuff, the total was more than expected and they split it three ways. Billy glared at Tommy and Steve while they both shrugged, Tommy went as far as putting his hands in his pockets like he had <em> nothing </em>to do with it. </p><p>They carried their bags to the car, and really, that should be it, they’ve been out for nearly <em> three </em> hours and spring in Miami is different than spring in Hawkins. Spring in Miami is edgy on too humid and too warm <em> constantly. </em></p><p>Steve was standing under the awning of the strip mall with his bags. Bill was afraid to ask. </p><p>“What?” Tommy asked for him. </p><p>“There’s a PetSmart,” Steve said, in awe. </p><p>“<em>No!”  </em></p><p>
  <em> “Yes!”  </em>
</p><p>“Ten minutes, just <em> ten </em>,” Tommy said. </p><p>Billy looked up at the sky. The tall, white bastard in the sky is probably laughing at him. <em> Look at the fairy and his fairy friends with no brain cells, ahaha I’m God and I love fucking with people. </em>That’s probably what he’s saying. Billy pinched the bridge of his nose under his sunglasses and growled, “get in the fucking car or I’m leaving both of you in this goddamn parking lot.” </p><p>Steve pouted. “God, you’re hangry aren’t you.” </p><p>He flipped him off with the shopping bag in hand. “And what if I am?” </p><p>Steve sighed, his shoulders drooped slightly. He looked at the PetSmart longingly. There were so many little kittens in there probably, and he would love all of them. And Tommy would probably love a lizard. Oh! It’d be so great to get a parrot and teach it words, Robin would <em> love </em>a parrot. </p><p>“Don’t you want a Norman II?” Tommy said. </p><p>Billy glared at him, they could tell through his sunglasses. “No...Norman helped me through a dark part of my life. No more Normans.” </p><p>“Another day,” Steve said. “When you’re not hangry.” He walked up to him. He patted Billy on the cheek lovingly. “Besides you deserve ice cream for putting up with us, baby.” </p><p>Billy felt the swoop of butterflies in his stomach. His ears were probably red. “...I know.” </p><p>“Of course you do.” He grinned. Steve slid his sunglasses over his noses and strolled to the car, tugging Billy along.  </p><p>“We’re coming back for a lizard,” Tommy said, walking past them both. </p><p>“It’s Florida. You don’t need to go to a pet store to find a lizard,” Billy said, as they got in the car. </p><p>Steve sighed looking through the rearview mirror at the glimmer of mischief in Tommy’s eyes. He was going to be trying to catch a lizard for the next two weeks until he gets bored, they both know it. </p><p>🦩 🦩 🦩</p><p>“Is he still trying to glue those stupid dollar bills to his dresser?” Steve asked, leaning against the door to Billy’s new bedroom. He said it’s the biggest he’s ever had. For Steve, it’s the smallest. </p><p>Their rooms were slowly beginning to look like theirs, taking shape as they've acquired more stuff to make up for what they left behind. </p><p>Not that either of them really missed it. </p><p>Billy didn’t have much and Steve didn’t have anything personal. </p><p>Billy shrugged. “I dunno, whole place smells like glue,” he put the cigarette up to his lips and inhaled. The devil bobblehead sat on his rattan bedside table next to a lava lamp. </p><p>Steve sat down on Billy’s bed. He wiggled and wormed his way under his arm and laid his head on his chest, resting his hand over Billy’s heart. “You really didn’t want to redecorate at all?” He asked. </p><p>Billy shrugged. “I just don’t care, a place is a place.” </p><p>Steve wiggled a little, his lips pursed. “But we’re gonna be here for a while, it’s home. You know that, right?” He looked up at him for a moment, as he spoke,” like, <em> real </em>home. It’s ours, Billy. That’s why they’re not just plates and stuff. We picked those out because we liked them. We liked...ostenitious” </p><p>Billy took another drag from his cigarette, he blew the smoke away from Steve’s face. “<em> Ostentatious </em>, sweetheart.” </p><p>“Whatever,” Steve huffed, “you know what I mean.” </p><p>Billy did understand what he meant. He used to get it, living with Neil, he wanted all his stuff to look like his stuff...He still does in a way, but he was content with this for now. For now, being as far away from his memory, with the people who love him the most was enough. </p><p>“Are you gonna help with dinner,” Steve said. “You know I can’t cook unsupervised.”</p><p>Billy snorted. “I can’t believe you consider me 'supervision,'” he snuffed out his cigarette. They both sat up. </p><p>🦩 🦩 🦩</p><p>“So I heard, shopping today was...interesting,” Carol said, sitting at the picnic table they had in the backyard. The tiki torches weren’t lit yet, but Tommy one hundred percent intended to light them when it starts getting dark. </p><p>They were officially moved in now. </p><p>“It wasn’t,” Tommy said from the hammock nearby. “Fun though, d’you see my gnome babe?” </p><p>Carol tried to hide her amusement. “That things gonna watch us when I fuck you.” </p><p>“Well everyone, but Billy said I couldn’t put it in the front yard with the flamingos so…,” Tommy trailed off. </p><p>“We went to an antique store,” Carol said. “In case you were wondering, cheap, <em> cute </em>stuff. Heather, Robin, and I decided to coordinate.” Tommy stuck his tongue out at the sky, not at her. “But your dresser project is very cute, bunny.”</p><p>  “<em>Thank you</em>.”</p><p>“Food’s hot!” Steve called as he stepped out the sliding screen door. He came out with a bowl pasta, Billy followed with a bowl of salad and a pitcher of ice-cold lemonade. </p><p>They placed them on the table and sat down with them. </p><p>Steve slouched on the bench. “Phew! Long day…” </p><p>“I need a drink,” Billy said. </p><p>Robin poked her head out of the sliding door “Yeah…” she said, “about that...where did you guys put your cups?” </p><p>“In the cu--” Steve answered and stopped. He froze. “Did we--” </p><p>“Nope,” Billy said, face equally blank. He put his head in his hands and groaned. “<em> Fuck meeee.”  </em></p><p>Tommy laughed so hard he fell out of the hammock. After all that, they forgot fucking <em> cups </em>.</p><p>Guess they’ll be making another trip to Ames….</p>
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